


genesis

by wintersunofdoom



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Geraskier, Idiots in Love, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Protective Jaskier | Dandelion, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29163336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersunofdoom/pseuds/wintersunofdoom
Summary: It's been six months since the mountain and Jaskier has been doing great. He found his place, reunited with some old friends, his new songs were popular all over the continent. He was finally moving on, forgetting about the man who broke his heart after more than two decades of travelling together.So Jaskier doesn't expect to meet him again, in a small tavern in Oxenfurt. More than that, Jaskier doesn't expect him to forget who he was, and most of what happened.Least of all he expects the Witcher to fall in love with him, while Jaskier looks for a way to help him.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 141
Kudos: 432





	1. you'll miss me when i'm not around

“This is bad.” Jaskier muttered to himself, pacing across the room. “This is _very_ bad”.

Geralt cast him another confused and innocent look, which would usually make Jaskier’s heart melt, if the whole situation wasn’t so terrifying.

Although Jaskier hated the idea, he knew he had no other choice.

He had to find Yennefer.

_***_

It was a good day. In fact, it has been a wonderful week, even.

It’s been six months since that damned mountain, and Jaskier had felt better than ever. He was quite proud of himself of how quickly he got over the whole thing. Well, not exactly. But he was definitely moving on.

After the spending the first three weeks wandering around aimlessly and slightly overdrinking, Jaskier decided to travel south, to Oxenfurt. There he reunited with a couple of old friends of his, Priscilla and Essi. He spent his first days in Oxenfurt crying on their shoulders and writing ballads in his bed. On the fourth day, the girls dragged him to a party at some student’s house. They drank, and they sang, and they danced together and Jaskier had a great time. And once he realized that he had a great time, he felt even better. “Thank you, dear hearts.” He mumbled sleepily on Priscilla’s shoulder, as they walked home together. “I really had a great time tonight”.

“That’s what friends are for, Jask” Priscilla replied, patting him on the shoulder. “As long as you stop being sad about that Witcher prick. Gods, what a douchebag”.

“Exactly.” Essi nodded. “You don’t need people like that in your life, Jask. You deserve so much better”.

Jaskier chuckled quietly. “Yeah, he was definitely a douchebag. But he was my friend”.

“Friends don’t treat each other like shit.” Priscilla frowned.

“Hey, it was not all bad. We had good times, too”.

“I’m sure you did.” Essi smiled at him. “But having fun with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you should put up with their bullshit. Especially if they hurt you so much”.

“Yeah,” Jaskier sighed, rubbing his eyes. “You’re probably right. I hope I’ll be able to think so too, soon”.

“You will.” Priscilla reassured him. “And we’re here to remind you of it”.

That night, Jaskier fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He didn’t dream of Geralt.

_***_

Jaskier started writing new songs. The new songs were even better than his old ones.

They weren’t about Witchers, or monsters, or any of that. No mentions of long white-hair and silver swords. Jaskier sang about love, heartbreak and friendship. He wrote a couple of dirty songs, which people just adored. He wrote a few songs about historical events, legends and epic battles.

The crowd loved him.

He got so many invitations to play at court parties and weddings, that he eventually lost count. He started earning a lot of coin, so he used the opportunity to rent a small house at Oxenfurt, instead of staying at the university or at one of his friends' homes. He sent most of the money that was left to his younger sisters.

Jaskier started laughing and smiling more. He started going out more, he met new people. Even had a couple of lovers.

Slowly, he was healing.

_***_

Tonight, the small tavern near his home was overcrowded.

Jaskier sat at a table with Priscilla and Essi, drinking his ale and listening to a story Essi was telling them. He was in a wonderful mood today. They sat together for almost an hour, talking and laughing, when one of the barmen recognized Jaskier and asked him to perform. Jaskier gave him a smile and borrowed Priscilla’s lute.

First, he played a few of his new songs, and the crowd cheered. Then someone requested “Toss a Coin”. Jaskier didn’t miss the worried looks his friends cast him, and he swallowed down what was left of his anxiety and struck the first chord. He hadn’t played “Toss a Coin” for almost a month. People still requested it at court parties but playing it at a tavern felt different.

And almost painfully familiar.

He went through the song without any complications. And then he played a couple more of his new ones. The crowd loved him. He walked across the bar, strumming the lute and singing, a huge grin on his face the entire time.

It felt great.

Everything was going great. He smiled and winked at people. There was one of his professors from the university, he was Jaskier’s favorite teacher. There was a young, beautiful redhead, who tossed him a few suggestive looks. There was Geralt. There were a few young students, it was their first year in-

Oh.

_Oh, shit_.

Jaskier turned away sharply, his heart suddenly racing in his chest. He played the rest of the song perfectly, even though he felt his hands shaking violently. The crowd applauded. Jaskier thanked then, bowing with a small smile.

He felt like he was about to throw up.

Taking a deep breath, he glanced at the far table beside the window. His breath hitched in his throat.

There he was.

Although he looked slightly different, there was no mistaking it was him. His hair was slightly longer. He grew a goatee, which looked ridiculously hot on him. And was that a new armor?

But what caught Jaskier’s attention most, were a pair of bright-yellow eyes. Which were staring at him shamelessly. And slightly curiously.

Jaskier stared back at him, putting on his best neutral expression. He still felt like he was about to throw up. Of all the places in the continent, this was the last place he’d expected to see him.

_Geralt._

Why was he here? Was he on a hunt? That’s impossible, there are no monsters here. And if he were, he’d probably leave as soon as he’d notice Jaskier started playing. So why _was_ he here? Did he… Did he come to apologize?

_Don’t get your hopes up, Panktraz. You’ve known the man for over two decades_.

Jaskier gulped and straightened his shoulders. Geralt was still staring at him from across the bar, his head slightly tilted to the side. Jaskier briefly considered to just turn around and leave. Let Geralt come after him first.

Of course, he didn’t do that.

Tired of this ridiculous staring contest, Jaskier took a deep breath and walked towards the table beside the window, where the Witcher was sitting alone.

“Hi,” Jaskier started, hoping his voice wasn’t as high as he thought it was. “Mind if I sit?”.

He didn’t wait for the Witcher’s answer, as he took a seat across of him. Geralt shot him an even more curious look.

“So…” Jaskier prompted, crossing his arms over his chest. “How you’ve been?”.

Geralt blinked, staring at him weirdly. But it wasn’t like one of his usual glares. This look was… Somewhat softer?

“Okay,” Geralt finally answered, blinking again. “How are you?”.

“Good. I’m good, thanks for asking. So,” Jaskier leaned in forward, placing his elbows on the table. “What are you doing here?”.

Geralt snorted quietly. “Drinking”.

_That bastard_.

“I mean, here. In Oxenfurt.” Jaskier was surprised even himself of how calm he’d sounded.

Geralt stared at him for a long moment, before looking away. “I don’t know. I think I was headed someplace else, but then I just found myself here”.

Jaskier snorted, shaking his head. “ _Of course_ , you did”. The confused look Geralt gave him made him even more angry. Jaskier crossed his arms again, leaning backward in his seat. “So,” He started again, losing his patience. “Anything you want to tell me?”.

Geralt blinked at him again, looking comically confused. Jaskier briefly considered to just tell him to fuck off and leave.

He didn’t.

Geralt raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a small smile. “I liked your music. You, uh, have a very nice voice”.

Now it was Jaskier’s turn to stare in confusion. What the fuck was going on? Did Geralt just compliment him? _On his voice_?

No way. This was some cruel, stupid joke.

“Cut the bullshit, Geralt. What the fuck do you want from me?”.

The look on Geralt’s face was one of hurt. Jaskier immediately regretted sounding so harsh. But he wasn’t just going to sit here in silence, while the other man was making a fool out of him. Not again.

“I’m sorry.” Geralt mumbled, and Jaskier’s eyes widened in surprise. “Did I say something wrong?”. He shifted in his seat and quickly added. “I just, I really liked your songs. I heard the song you played about Witchers. I thought it was very nice that someone has written a song like that, we don’t get enough credit for the work we do- “.

“What?” Jaskier cut him off, laughing. “Of course, you like it, I wrote it about _you_ ”.

“Oh,” Geralt blinked again. “I must’ve missed that”.

“Your name literally appears in it”.

“I walked in here when you were singing the last verse”.

“But you’ve heard it a thousand times before- Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait”. Jaskier pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling sharply. He dropped the hand from his face, giving Geralt his scariest glare. “Is this some kind of a sick joke of yours, Geralt? I don’t get it. If this is a joke, I swear, I’ll-“.

Geralt suddenly rose from his seat. “I need to leave.” He muttered, taking his swords and bag. He set a coin on top of the table and turned to leave, leaving a dumbfounded Jaskier sitting by himself.

Just as Geralt was approaching the door, Jaskier grabbed him by the wrist and pulled. “Wait!”.

Geralt froze, turning to look at him. Jaskier only now noticed the slightly anxious look in his eyes.

“Hey,” Jaskier said softly, feeling confused as hell himself. “Don’t you want to talk about what happened?”.

Geralt blinked at him, remaining silent.

“Six months ago?” Jaskier prompted, taking a step closer and releasing Geralt’s wrist. “At the mountain?”.

Geralt continued staring at him.

“With Yennefer?” Jaskier asked, raising an eyebrow. Geralt’s expression didn’t change.

A cold feeling of dread settled in Jaskier’s gut. He gulped audibly.

“Geralt,” He asked, his voice shaking. “Do… Do you know who I am?”.

Geralt stared at him for a long moment, before looking away. He shook his head silently.

_Fuck_.


	2. oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier gets a little more information about just how much Geralt remembers. Priscilla and Essi are less excited, but they're good friends.

“This is _very_ bad.” Jaskier muttered, stopping beside the window and rubbing his face.

The tavern wasn’t a safe place for them to speak, so Jaskier took Geralt to where he lived. On their way there, he questioned Geralt of what he does and doesn’t remember. The situation was, indeed, not good. For starters, Geralt didn’t remember who Jaskier was, at all. He didn’t remember that Jaskier wrote songs about him, that they traveled together for over two decades, and what happened at that bloody mountain. He also didn’t remember Yennefer. He didn’t remember any of the creatures he hunted, or anything significant that happened to him. Jaskier decided not to mention the child surprise just yet.

“Do you remember your family? Your brothers, Vesemir?”.

The way Geralt’s eyes lit up was both adorable and heart-wrenching. “I have a family?”.

Jaskier let out a quiet sigh. “Yeah, you do. Well, sort of. You’re not related by blood, but it doesn’t matter, they’re your family. And you really love each other. They’re very good people”.

“Where are they? Can we go to them?”.

Jaskier gave him a soft smile. “Sorry, dear”. _Dammit_. “Eh, I mean, they’re Witchers, too. Like you. So, they always travel. Honestly, I have no idea where to find them now”. “But you do have a keep,” Jaskier quickly added, seeing the disappointed look on Geralt’s face. “It’s like a home for you, sort of. You go there every winter. It’s called Kaer Morhen, it’s far up north.” Jaskier paused, tilting his head slightly to the side, trying to meet Geralt’s eyes. “Doesn’t that ring any bells?”.

Geralt shook his head again, meeting Jaskier’s stare. “No. Sorry”.

“It’s okay,” Jaskier reassured him. “We’ll figure this out. I can take you there once summer is over”. _Hopefully that this living hell will be over a lot sooner._ “Okay?”.

Geralt gave him a nod and a small smile. _Since when did Geralt started smiling so much? Let alone, at Jaskier?_ “Thank you”.

“Sure, love”. _Dammit!_

***

“This is _very, very, very_ fucking horrible” Jaskier breathed out, rubbing his face for the tenth time since they entered the guest room. “No, this is even worse, this is- “.

“Will you shut up for just one second, please?” Priscilla frowned, walking over to Jaskier and grabbing his wrists. She pulled his hands away from his face. “Look at me. C’mon, Jaskier. Deep breaths”. Jaskier met her stare, letting out a shaky breath. “Good. Now, listen to me. No one has died. No one is severely injured. It’s okay. So, your Witcher temporarily forgot that he’s a jerk”. Essi chuckled from beside the table, where she was pouring Jaskier a glass of water. “It’s not the end of the world, Jask”.

“How do you know that it’s temporary?” Jaskier frowned, dropping his hands to the sides of his body. “Pris, he doesn’t remember me. He doesn’t remember anything he did for the last few decades. _He doesn’t remember he has a family_. Excuse me for fucking panicking over here!”.

“Okay, let me ask you something different.” Essi said, walking over to Jaskier and handing him the glass of water. “What _does_ he remember?”.

Jaskier stared down at the glass, sighing quietly. “He remembers his name. But that’s only because someone called him by it when he arrived here. So, never mind. He knows he’s a Witcher, knows what Witchers do. Um…”.

“Why did he come to Oxenfurt?” Essi prompted, taking a seat beside Jaskier on the couch.

“To make his life miserable.” Priscilla muttered.

“ _Pris._ ” Jaskier shot her a glare. “Stop”.

“No, I won’t stop! I’m not going to pretend like everything that you told us didn’t happen, just because Mr. Himbo over there hit his head over a rock and forgot who he was! I understand why you’re so worried, Jask, but with all due respect, this is not your responsibility”.

“I think the situation is very complicated,” Essi said softly, tossing a look between them. “Jask, is there any way you can contact his brothers?”.

Jaskier pressed his lips, staring at his hands in his lap. “No,” He finally answered. “They can be anywhere. I could take him to Kaer Morhen myself, I’ve been there a few times. But I don’t know if it’s safe for us to travel like this. I’m not sure I remember the road well”.

“It isn’t.” Priscilla said, taking a seat in the chair in front of them. “Anyone else you can ask for help? What about that Yennefer mage?”.

“Yeah,” Jaskier muttered, the feeling of nausea growing strong again. “Guess I can ask her. Though I need to find her first, too”.

Priscilla snorted, shaking her head. “And you seem _so_ keen on the idea”.

Jaskier glared at her. “Why are you being so mean today?”.

“Because I’m worried about you, you idiot.” Priscilla leaned forward in her seat. “Do you remember how you were when you first got here? Because I do. You cried for _days_ , Jaskier. You wouldn’t come out of bed. You barely ate- Don’t give me that look. You were a _mess_ , Jask. Essi and I were worried sick about you”.

“Yeah,” Essi agreed, squeezing Jaskier’s shoulder. “We were. And look at you now, you healed so well”.

“Yes,” Priscilla nodded. “You did. You moved on, Jaskier. You have your own life now, a house, a great profession, people who love you. You’re happy.” The last part sounded more like a question than a statement, emphasized by Priscilla raising her eyebrows.

Jaskier rolled his eyes fondly, taking each of the girls’ hands in his, and placing a kiss there. “I am,” He reassured them with a soft smile. “I am happy. And a lot of it is thanks to you. I love you”.

“We love you, too.” Essi smiled back at him, squeezing his hand. “So, you understand why we’re so worried about this whole situation. We don’t want to watch you reopening old wounds. Not when you've just started getting better”.

“A little too late for that, love.” Jaskier sighed, rubbing his face with his hands again. “And Geralt is my friend. I can’t just leave him like this”.

“ _Was_ your friend,” Priscilla corrected him. “Now he’s just a douchebag”.

“It’s complicated”.

“No, it’s not. Gods, Jaskier, can’t you see that- “.

“Ahem”.

The three of them turned their heads to Geralt, who was now standing at the doorway, looking a bit awkward. Jaskier left him sitting alone in the kitchen, when Priscilla and Essi arrived.

“I just, eh,” The Witcher started, shifting from one foot to another. “Thought I should let you know I can hear every word you’re saying. You know, superhuman senses and all that”.

“Oh,” Jaskier blinked at him, fumbling with his hands. “How much of the conversation did you hear?”.

Geralt smiled sadly at him. “Practically all of it”.

“Good.” Priscilla responded, shooting him a glare. Jaskier kicked at her foot lightly. Geralt ignored the snarky comment, continuing to stare at Jaskier as he spoke.

“I, uh, think it’s best for me to leave now. Don’t want to be a burden. Thank you for your hospitality, Jaskier, it was very kind of you to- “.

“No!” Jaskier cut him off, getting to his feet and striding towards the kitchen. He ignored the quiet groans from both his friends, stopping right in front of the other man. “I mean, wait, you’re leaving already? Do you even have a place to stay?”.

“Sort of,” Geralt answered, staring at the collar of Jaskier’s shirt. “There’s a nice clearing I found, not far from here- “.

“I’m not letting you sleep outside.” Jaskier stated, staring at Geralt like he just said something very stupid. “Especially not now, when the nights are getting colder”.

“It’s not _that_ bad.” Geralt said, meeting Jaskier’s eyes and offering him a small smile. Jaskier hated him for that smile, because of the things it did to him. “Besides,” Geralt lowered his voice, as he continued speaking. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to stay here. I understand that we were good friends?”.

Jaskier sudden laugh surprised them both. “Um, yeah.” Jaskier answered, clearing his throat quietly. “Sort of”.

“Okay,” Geralt said, looking confused again. “And at some point, we fell out?”.

Jaskier pressed his lips, and that was a sufficient enough answer for Geralt. “Uh-huh. And it was my fault? Did I do something that hurt you?”.

“It wasn’t _entirely_ your fault, a lot of things happened and- You said some really mean stuff- Ugh. What does it matter? You don’t remember any of it anyway”.

  
  
Geralt looked away again, clenching his fists. There was a long pause. Geralt broke the silence first. “I want to apologise, but I don’t think that would be the right thing.” He said quietly. “Because I don’t even remember what happened. It wouldn’t be fair to you”.

Jaskier nodded quietly.

“And I can’t stay. I appreciate that you’re willing to help me, and I hope to meet you again after I retrieve my memories- “.

“Geralt,” Jaskier cut him off, taking a step forward and placing a hand on Geralt’s arm. Geralt was unbelievably warm, even through the fabric of his shirt. Jaskier retrieved his hand and dropped it to his side. “Geralt,” He sighed. “Listen. I don’t care about what happened. Right now, I want to help”. Jaskier raised his voice, so the other two women in the room could hear him, too. “We were friends for over _two decades_. We had our ups and downs, and none of it matters now. You’re in trouble, and I want to help. At least until we find one of your brothers. I am not going to let you wander all by yourself, when you have no memory of who you are. I won’t be able to live with myself if anything bad happens to you. So please, let me help”.

“I don’t feel like I deserve your help”. Geralt muttered, still not meeting Jaskier’s eyes.

“It’s okay. I can always yell at you or write a mean song about you, once you’re back to your normal grumpy self”.

Geralt’s laugh made Jaskier’s heart melt. “Okay?” The bard asked, tilting his head to side, meeting the other man’s eyes. Geralt nodded, a small smile dancing on his lips. “Okay. Thank you. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you”.

“Oh, believe me, you really don’t.” Jaskier laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. He looked over Geralt’s shoulder, at the bag and the swords on the kitchen floor. “Is that all you have with you?”.

“Yes,” Geralt replied. “At least, that’s what I woke up with in the forest”.

A sudden thought occurred to Jaskier, and he turned to look at Geralt again. “Where’s Roach?”.

“Who?”.

“Holy fuck.” Jaskier sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose again. He was beginning to feel a terrible headache. “Roach is what one would call her, the love of your life”.

“What?”.

“Your horse”.

“Oh”.

“Yeah”.

“I remember someone asked me about an abandoned horse, at one of the stables here. I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t know I even had a horse”.

“Right”. Jaskier ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. I have a spare bedroom upstairs, second door to the left. You go and settle there, get some rest. I’ll go find Roach”.

“That’s very kind of you, but you really don’t have to, I can go myse-“.

“Go. Rest”.

Geralt stared at him with wide eyes, before nodding. “Alright”.

Jaskier smiled at him. “Good. Do you need anything else?”.

“Can I give you a hug?”.

_What?_

Jaskier blinked at him, before shaking his head briefly. “What?”. He heard Priscilla and Essi chuckling behind him. Geralt chuckled, too, looking extremely awkward. “I just can’t express with words how much I appreciate what you’re doing for me. And I can’t think of another way to say “thank you” right now… So, I thought, maybe a hug- “.

“Okay.” Jaskier agreed feeling his heart hammering in his ribcage. _Dammit Panktraz, pull yourself together._ “Whatever, a hug is fine”.

Geralt smiled, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around Jaskier’s shoulders. Jaskier let him pull himself against Geralt’s chest, resting his chin on Geralt’s shoulder. He brought his hands up, resting them against Geralt’s shoulder blades. _Don’t start crying. Don’t start crying. Don’t start crying-_

“Thank you.” Geralt whispered against his hair, before letting go and pulling away. He went back to the kitchen and started gathering his stuff. Jaskier turned back at the two women, who were still glaring at him, albeit a little softer. They both stood up.

“I still hate this idea.” Priscilla whispered. “But whatever”.

“We’re here for you, Jask.” Essi added with a sigh.

Jaskier grinned and pulled them both into a brief hug. “I love you”.

“Shut up”.

“You’re such a sap”.

They pulled away with a giggle and Jaskier went to the door, to retrieve his cloak. “Want to join me on a search team for a lovely mare?”.

Priscilla and Essi exchanged a look between themselves. “We’ll go.” Priscilla said. “You stay here with your himbo, make sure he’s okay. It will help to calm your nerves a bit, too”.

Jaskier huffed, staring at them with disbelief. “I’m not letting two women wander alone at night”.

Essi shot him a look. “First of all, we’re not alone. We’re together”.

“Exactly. And Jaskier, dear.” Priscilla lifted her shirt a bit, giving him a look at the dagger that was hanging on her hip. “Worry about yourself, okay?”.

***

Priscilla and Essi left soon after Jaskier gave them a good description of Roach. Closing the door and leaning his head against it, Jaskier heard Geralt ascending the stairs, muttering to himself.

“Roach. That’s a good name, actually”.

Jaskier chuckled, shaking his head. He took a deep breath and stood up straight, following Geralt up to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not sure about the update schedule for this fic. Today just happened. I'll go for once a week, just to be on the safe side. Thank you all for your lovely comments, I read them all and cried for a bit 🥺


	3. so heavy i fell through the earth

The door to the bedroom was wide open, so Jaskier walked in. Geralt was standing in the middle of the room, fumbling with the buckles of his armor.

Jaskier chuckled. “Here, let me”.

Even though this was a new armor (and a rather beautiful one, Jaskier thought), he swiftly undid all the buckles, pulling it off Geralt’s body. “Thanks,” Geralt told him with a small smile. “You sure are good at this”.

“Hm.” Jaskier replied, placing the armor on the floor beside the nightstand. “We traveled together for decades, so I got a lot of time to practice”. He turned back to Geralt, who was still standing in the same place, staring at him fondly. Jaskier gulped quietly, feeling his heart pounding in his ribcage. He hoped Geralt couldn’t hear it, too.

Jaskier opened his mouth to say something, pausing when he noticed the dark stain on the front of Geralt’s shirt, just below his right armpit. Jaskier froze, his brows knitting together. “What’s that? Are you hurt?”.

Geralt glanced down at himself, as if seeing the stain for the first time. “Oh. I fell from a tree last night”.

Jaskier took a step closer. “What?”.

“I couldn’t find a safe place to sleep, so I climbed a tree and fell asleep on one of its branches. It broke down under my weight at some point and I fell”.

“ _Holy shit_ ”.

“It didn’t hurt that bad”.

Jaskier raised his hand slightly. “May I see?”.

Geralt nodded and lifted his shirt, wincing lightly, as the fabric was stuck to the wound. “Doesn’t hurt, my ass.” Jaskier muttered, helping Geralt pull the shirt up and over his head. Jaskier gasped involuntary the moment he saw the wound. Just below the Witcher’s right clavicle, there was a huge, blue and purple bruise, covered in dirt and dried blood. There was also a small, but deep cut on Geralt’s shoulder. “ _That_ happened from falling off a tree?”.

Geralt look almost sheepish as he replied. “I may have hit a few branches on my way down. And landed on a rock”. He glanced down at the wound. “It looks a lot better, though”.

Jaskier sighed. “Witchers heal faster than humans”.

“We do?”.

“Yeah. This still needs stitches, though. And I hope you didn’t break a rib, too”. The bard turned away, gesturing the Witcher to follow him. “Come on. Let’s get you into a bath and stitch you up”.

***

“Gods. Geralt of Rivia, climbing a bloody tree. I should’ve called you “the white spider-monkey” instead."

Geralt chuckled, only to hiss a moment later, as Jaskier started stitching the wound on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, but I need you to hold still”.

Geralt was in the bathtub, with Jaskier sitting cross legged on a stool beside him, humming quietly to himself as he worked. He wasn’t sure if it was just his imagination, but he noticed the way Geralt’s face heated up the moment Jaskier leaned in. They sat in silence for a few minutes, as Jaskier finished stitching his shoulder.

“There,” Jaskier smiled, resisting the urge to clap Geralt’s healthy shoulder as he stood up. “You should be alright, just don’t get the stitches wet. I’ll leave you to bathe in peace”.

Just as he was about to close the door behind himself, Geralt called his name.

“Jaskier”.

Jaskier turned his head to look at him. “Yes?”.

Geralt stared at him for a long moment, as if considering his own words. “That song you hummed, just a minute ago”.

Jaskier blinked at him, trying to remember what he was just humming. Jaskier was always humming or singing something, without even realizing it. It was probably one of the new songs he was working on, although those weren’t a catchy as his old ones, just because he was tired of writing-

Oh.

_Oh_.

Jaskier crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes, what about it?"

“Did you write it?”

Jaskier blinked again, nodding. “Yeah”.

Geralt smiled at him, and _Gods_ , Jaskier has never seen him smile so much in one evening. “That’s what I thought”.

Jaskier clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”.

Geralt looked almost hurt. “…Nothing? I just thought it was a beautiful song. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything wrong- “.

“Stop it,” Jaskier cut him off, waving his hand in the air and pinching the bridge of his nose with the other. “ _I’m_ sorry. I’m just not used to you being all… Nice”.

Geralt tilted his head to the side, still watching Jaskier with a curious look in his eyes. “Why? Was I a bad person?”.

Jaskier smiled sadly. Old-Geralt wouldn’t even ask that kind of question, he knew the answer himself. Or at least he thought he did. “No,” Jaskier replied, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms again. “Not at all. You were the bravest, kindest person I knew. I mean, I wouldn’t follow just anyone across the whole continent. But the thing is, on daily basis, you could sometimes be a bit…”. _Grumpy. Short-tempered. Bitchy. “_ …Cynical”.

Geralt huffed, looking away. “Must’ve been a pain in the ass to be around me”.

Jaskier snorted, taking a few steps closer to the tub. His eyes focused on the scars, which covered Geralt’s chest and arms. Some of them were new. Jaskier briefly wondered how many things happened to Geralt during all those months they were apart.

This was his Geralt, the man he knew and traveled with for decades. But it also felt like this was a completely different person. And not just because of his amnesia.

“Well, sometimes, yeah,” Jaskier started, taking a seat on the stool beside the tub. He knew that talking to Geralt probably wasn’t the best thing for his poor heart right now, but he couldn’t just leave with the Witcher looking like this. During the years they traveled together, Jaskier tried his best not to show his worry about the other man. Not because he was ashamed of it, not at all. But because he knew how much Geralt hated it. So Jaskier tried to help his friend in other ways he knew- by massaging his shoulders and washing his hair after a rough day, by offering him a hot meal and by helping him with small tasks.

And most of the time, those things actually helped Geralt to feel a little better. But sometimes, they didn’t. There were many nights Jaskier woke up to muffled crying, coming from the other man. Geralt had nightmares. Lots of them. Usually, Jaskier would just scoot closer to him and press his back against Geralt’s. A silent comfort. On practically bad nights, Jaskier would hold him in his arms, tucking Geralt’s head under his chin. Strong arms would wrap themselves around his waist, holding him tight. Sometimes Geralt would calm down after a few minutes of lying like that and fall asleep. Sometimes he would sob into Jaskier’s shirt, quiet and broken cries. Jaskier would just lay there, stroking Geralt’s hair and murmuring soothing nonsense. He felt helpless and heartbroken at those moments, because he had no idea how the help the other man.

They never had the chance to talk about these nights. Jaskier tried to bring it up a couple of times, only to be glared at and be told to shut up. One time, they actually got into a fight because of that, which ended up with Jaskier saying a whole lot of mean things to Geralt and storming off. Jaskier never claimed to be a saint, and life with Geralt was _hard._ Even though he loved the stubborn, old fool-

“She isn’t worth your tears”.

Jaskier blinked rapidly, suddenly realizing he was staring at his boots. “Pardon?”.

Geralt looked so uncharacteristically awkward as he spoked, it was almost endearing. “The woman in your song. I’m guess she’s based on someone you know?”.

_Oh, you have no idea._

“Yes, I guess you can say that”.

“Hmm. Are you still seeing her?”.

_Since when was Geralt so interested in his love life?_

“No, not really. We’re… We aren’t exactly on speaking terms. It’s complicated”.

Geralt nodded, giving him a sad smile. “I see. I’m sorry, you seem very uncomfortable talking about it, I didn’t mean to make you feel-“.

“No! I mean, it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it”. _I just want to keep talking to you. You look like you need to talk to someone, also. Although what is happening right now is actually me talking to you about how **you** broke my heart, without you even knowing it. _

Geralt smoothed his hair away from his face, Jaskier following the movement with his eyes. _Gods, his hair had grown so long_. Jaskier wondered if it bothered Geralt. He stopped himself from offering to cut it.

“You’ve been together for long?” Geralt asked, tilting his head to the side and staring at Jaskier curiously. Jaskier didn’t remember when was the last time Geralt looked at him so softly.

Jaskier shrugged. “Define _long.”_

Geralt raised an eyebrow. “Couple of years?”.

Jaskier snorted. “Try _decades_.”

Geralt raised both eyebrows. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm. And what happened? If it’s okay to ask.”

Jaskier chuckled, shaking his head lightly. _Oh, this was ridiculous_. But once he started talking about it, he couldn’t stop himself. Jaskier focused his gaze on one of the candles beside the window. “We, um… She and I, we weren’t exactly together, as a couple. I’ve known her for a long time, and we went on a lot of amazing adventures together. What I felt when I was around her, I… I never felt that way with another person before. It was special.”

Geralt was quiet for a long moment, staring at the water. Finally, he spoke. “And did you ever tell her that?”.

“That I loved her? Well, yes and no. She knew I cared about her deeply. I always did my best to show it. It’s just… She had a lot of things going on in her life. At some point, a lot of things happened to her at once. She was so lost. Angry. Confused. And- “.

“And she took it all out on you?”.

“That and blamed me for everything bad that happened in her life”.

Geralt frowned. “Well, that’s a shitty way to deal with your problems”.

Jaskier bit his lower lip, suppressing a laugh. “Yeah. It is. Anyway, I left after that. Kind of expected her to follow me and apologize. Didn’t happen.”

Geralt let out a quiet sigh. “And you regret it?”.

“Again, yes and no. Parting ways with her felt terrible. I just didn’t know what to do with myself after that. But staying wasn’t an option, either. We fought often. Okay, sure, I could be annoying sometimes, but not all the time. She’d always say a lot of mean things to me, and even when I knew she was joking, it stung. I was unhappy”. Jaskier paused, taking a deep breath. “ _And_ she was in love with someone else”.

Geralt blinked at him. “And you still think staying was a legitimate option?”.

Jaskier brushed his bangs away from his face. “Absolutely. Seeing her with someone else hurt like hell, but she looked so happy. So, I was happy for her. Until it all broke down and she blamed me for everything. It was so unfair. Although, in her defense, she was in a pretty bad situation”.

Geralt pressed his lips. “She still sounds terrible to me. No offense”.

Jaskier smiled at him. “None taken. And no, she wasn’t terrible. She was beautiful, sharp, brave and kind-hearted. She was my inspiration. She…” Jaskier paused, sighing. He just couldn’t find the right words. “It’s complicated”.

Geralt nodded. “I can understand that. Do you… Do you still love her?”.

_Does he_?

Jaskier twisted one of the rings on his fingers, staring blankly at the floor.

_Of course, he fucking does. He never stopped loving him. The moment he saw Geralt again, he felt his heart bursting out of his ribcage. And although he had given up on the ridiculous hope of Geralt ever coming back and apologizing to him, he still fantasized about it from time to time. He loved him. He loved him. He loved-_

“I do.” Jaskier replied quietly. “But I moved on, sort of. It doesn’t matter anymore”.

They sat in silence for a long moment, both staring ahead. Jaskier’s eyes started to sting, and he felt a familiar lump in his throat. He stood up again, clearing his throat quietly. “Well, that’s about it. Thank you for listening. Sorry, I just feel exhausted. I’m afraid that if I stay here a moment longer, I’ll fall asleep drooling on you shoulder”.

Geralt smiled sweetly in response. “I wouldn’t mind that”.

“Right.” Jaskier chuckled nervously. He could overthink that later. “Good night, Geralt”.

“Good night,” Geralt paused, hesitating. “Oh, and Jaskier?”.

“Yes?” Jaskier replied, one hand already on the doorknob.

“You… You’ll find them. Um, someone that will love you as much as you love them. And make you feel loved. Um, like you deserve. I’m sorry if this came out weird”.

Jaskier was stunned, feeling his heart throbbing in his ears. “No,” He muttered, “It’s fine. Thank you”. He managed another smile. “Good night”.

“Good night.” Geralt replied softly.

Once he got back to his bedroom, Jaskier buried himself under the covers and fell asleep immediately. No doubt, he was exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there! sorry it took me almost a month to update, exam season was a bitch. I'll be updating once a week, on Mondays.  
> warning: light mention of having nightmares


	4. Before The Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, this update is a lil' bit shorter, my apologies. big things coming in the next update, though <3 and thank you for your crazy support, i read every single comment and grin

When Jaskier knocked on his bedroom door the next morning, Geralt was already awake and fully dressed.

“Good morning,” Jaskier greeted him with a smile, ignoring the warm feeling spreading itself in his chest, as Geralt smiled in return. “How’d you sleep last night? How’s your shoulder?”.

“It’s better,” Geralt replied, stepping away from the door, inviting Jaskier in. “I didn’t feel it at all after I fell asleep. Which happened rather quickly. The beds here are much more comfortable than the forest floor”.

“I can imagine.” Jaskier murmured with a smile, taking a step closer towards the other man. “May I have a look?”.

“Of course”.

Jaskier left and came back with a bowl of water, salve and a clean piece of cloth. Geralt sat perfectly still as Jaskier unwrapped the bandage from his shoulder and bicep and leaned in forward to take a closer look at the wound.

“Aright, good.” Jaskier nodded. “It looks much better than how it did yesterday. No swelling, no signs of infection. Splendid!”. Jaskier reached for the cloth and the bowl of water, gently cleaning the edges of the wound and what was left of the dried blood. “My guess is, give it a couple of days and you’ll be as good as new. Witcher healing and all”.

“Hmm.” Geralt raised his head slightly, giving Jaskier a pointed look. “And an excellent healer”.

Jaskier chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Don’t give me compliments, dear, I’ll never shut up about it”.

Geralt’s shoulders shook with silent laughter and Jaskier wasn’t able to suppress the grin which spread itself on his lips.

“Seriously, though.” Geralt continued, as Jaskier started carefully applying the salve around the stitches. “Where’d you learn how to do all this?”

“Most of it- from you. Other stuff I picked up myself or learned from watching other healers working”. He grabbed a clean bandage and started wrapping it around Geralt’s injured shoulder. “And traveling with you means getting a lot of opportunities to practice.” Jaskier added grimly.

“Sorry.” Geralt muttered, and Jaskier almost giggled at how sincere he sounded. “I’m starting to feel like I’m some sort of burden on yo- “.

“Don’t even,” Jaskier cut him off, securing the bandage and taking a step back, admiring his work. “I’ll have none of it. So just shut up and tell me what you want for breakfast”.

Geralt glanced at him over his shoulder, a soft smile on his lips. “How am I supposed to shut up and to tell you- “.

Jaskier groaned loudly, turning away on his heels and heading towards the door. He heard Geralt chuckling quietly behind him, and _Gods, he almost forgot how much he loved that sound_. “Jaskier”.

“What?” Jaskier paused, turning to look at Geralt again. The Witcher moved to stand right in front of the younger man. Jaskier blinked, realizing how close to each other they were standing right now, and the fact that _Geralt initiated this_.

“I just,” Geralt started, looking aside rather than meeting Jaskier’s stare. “I just wanted to thank you, again. For everything you’re doing for me. I… I had no idea what to do with myself yesterday. Everything felt so… So confusing… And scary?”.

Geralt tilted his head to the side, meeting Jaskier’s eyes, and the look Geralt was giving him now was so warm and fond, that it made Jaskier’s heart _melt._ “And I,” Geralt continued, tilting his head again and looking aside. “I tried asking people for help, anything that could’ve helped me remember who I was or where I was going. But the few people I asked started yelling at me or running away. Some at them even threw stuff at me”.

Jaskier’s hands twitched at his sides, curling into fists. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to reach out for the other man and pull him into hug, or to storm off outside and punch someone in the face. He briefly recalled all the fights he started during the years, whenever someone mistreated his friend. “People are stupid and egoistic.” Jaskier muttered, trying his best to keep his voice calm. “They don’t deserve anything you do for them”.

“They were scared of me, Jaskier”.

“They are _idiots_ ”.

“Are they? I mean, when everybody’s scared of you, doesn’t it mean – “.

“ _I’m_ not scared of you.” Jaskier cut him off, taking a step closer and placing a hand on Geralt’s healthy shoulder. “Pris and Essi aren’t scared of you. Fuck, no one I know with even half a brain would be scared of you, Geralt. You _save_ them. You save their children, you save their villages from getting destroyed. And this is the thanks they give you. Honestly, the more I travel, the more I realize that sometimes, people are the real monsters. Not you, dear, never you.” Jaskier squeezed Geralt’s shoulder lightly. “You’re one of the kindest and bravest people I’ve ever met, Geralt. And I’m here to remind you of that. I don’t refer to you as a hero in my songs for nothing”.

“Is that how you’d describe me?” Geralt asked quietly, a small smile forming on his lips. “A hero?”.

“Yes.” Jaskier replied without hesitation. “I only write about the truth”.

“You’re a bard”.

“And a rather excellent one. A genius, one would say”.

“Hmm”.

“Is this you agreeing with me, or am I mishearing something?”.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong”.

“So, you admit that I’m amazing?”.

Geralt narrowed his eyes, a small smile forming on his lips. “Maybe”.

Jaskier chuckled, shaking his head. “Again, as I said before, giving me compliments is a bad idea. I promise you, I’ll never shut up about it”.

“Who said I want you to shut up?”.

They stared at each other fondly for a moment, before looking away and smiling. The silence they both shared didn’t hold any awkwardness in it. Jaskier felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, and he couldn’t care less.

_Gods, he missed him so much_. _Sure, he made peace with the fact that whatever was between them was long over and dead. But he still missed him. The sound of his voice, his laugh. His face and his eyes, which always showed how he felt, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. It made things better, knowing that Geralt was here, that he was safe._

“I promise you’re safe here,” Jaskier spoke quietly, breaking the silence first. “I’ll always do everything I can to make you feel safe. That’s what friends are for”.

Geralt’s smile was radiant. “Thank you. But, and don’t take this the wrong way, I don’t know how good you’ll be at handling pissed off villagers”.

Jaskier raised an eyebrow. “Then _clearly_ , you don’t remember all the bar fights I started. And could’ve won, too, if you haven’t dragged me out of them first”.

Jaskier laughed heartily at Geralt’s shocked expression. “I’ll tell you everything about it and more, only if we’ll go fetch us some breakfast. Meaning, right now. C’mon, I’m starving”.

He turned on his heels and exited the room, with Geralt following him. “Something tells me it won’t be a boring story.’’ Jaskier heard the Witcher muttering behind him, and he couldn’t help but to smile to himself again.

***

Jaskier didn’t let Geralt help him with preparing their food at all. At some point, he just shooed the Witcher out of the kitchen, ordering him to take a seat and _for the love of Gods, Geralt, just rest._

Not that Jaskier needed any help, anyway. He’s gotten pretty good at cooking during the last few months, ever since he moved into his own house. He still wasn’t crazy about it, but he enjoyed it sometimes, especially if he was cooking for someone other than himself.

During breakfast itself, Jaskier almost managed to forget that Geralt had amnesia. They talked and bickered in a friendly manner, just like they always did. Geralt laughed loudly at Jaskier’s stories, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re insane”.

“I like to see it more as _extremely passionate_ ”.

“What kind of sane man kicks a Witcher in the gut and then takes off with his sword?”.

“First, I didn’t know he was a Witcher when I met him. Secondly, he yelled at me to shut up in a middle of a song, Geralt! At least from where I come from, that’s considered to be rude”.

“Hmm. So, you just decided to kick him in the stomach and steal his sword? And then bring it to me? Why not just call him a prick or something?”.

“Oh, darling. Once you’ll meet Lambert, you’ll understand. Besides, back then you were talking about needing a new sword. So, I just saw and opportunity and took it”.

“Uh-huh. And how did I react to you brining me a stranger’s sword?”.

“At first, you were very pissed and confused. And then you saw Lambert and you completely lost it. I never saw you laughing that much as you did on that day. It was brilliant”.

“Hmm. Seems like I’ve been doing it a lot when I was with you”.

Jaskier opened his mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. He got up to answer it, meeting a very smiling Essi and a very smug Priscilla.

“We found her,” Priscilla announced cheerfully. “She’s in your backyard”.

***

Jaskier was delighted to see Roach. And apparently, she was delighted to see him, too.

“Hey, girl.” Jaskier laughed, after Roach headbutted him, snorting softly. “How are you doing? Did you miss me? I missed you, too! Poor thing, they took you away, didn’t they? Those bastards. Were you afraid? It’s okay, darling, you’re safe with us now. Do you want something tasty? Maybe some carrots or a sugar cube?”.

Geralt stood a few feet away, his arms folded across his chest, staring at them with amusement. “You always talk to her like that? She’s a horse”.

Jaskier did his best not to gape at him. “I- Wha- How dare you! Geralt! She’s not _just a horse!_ Roach, Roach, she’s- Roach, she’s a friend! She’s a life companion! She’s very clever! Smarter than most human beings, actually! You probably wouldn’t be alive right now, if it wasn’t for her!”.

“Is that so?” Geralt replied, raising an eyebrow and dropping his arms from his chest. He took a few steps closer to them, stopping right in front of Roach. Geralt raised one arm cautiously, hesitating.

“Does she bite?”

Jaskier groaned quietly, rolling his eyes. “Oh, _for the love of Gods_ ”. He took Geralt’s raised hand in his and placed it on Roach’s nose. “Geralt, she’s _your_ horse”. Geralt tensed lightly, but started petting the mare, nonetheless. He smiled warmly as Roach closed her eyes under his touch, quietly snorting. “Well, aren’t you a beauty.” Geralt murmured, moving his hand upward to scratch Roach behind the ear. “I think I can see what you’re talking about now”.

“Thank you. She’s so much more than _just_ _a horse_ ”. Jaskier briefly realized that he sounded exactly like Geralt now, huffing to himself in amusement.

“She’s seems to like you a bit more, though.” Geralt muttered, furrowing his brows. “Are you sure she’s not your horse?”.

“Oh Gods, I need a drink”.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! I'm darkverrmin on Tumblr, come say hi


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